What is Domestic Violence

Abuse: Systematic pattern of behaviors in a relationship that are used to gain and/or maintain control and power over another.

Domestic assault is an assault on a victim and/or assailant, in which the partner, former partner, or a person residing in the same household as the victim, or a person with whom they share a child in common.

Domestic abuse occurs among all economic, ethnic, racial, social and religious groups. Abusers come from all economic and social classes, ethnic and educational backgrounds.

Domestic violence can include:

Physical Assault
Sexual Assault
Emotional Abuse
Social Isolation
Threats
Intimidation

What are the myths of Violence?

It is the victim/survivor’s responsibility (It’s her fault; She either likes it, provokes it, chooses it, or allows it to happen; If she didn’t like it she’d leave).
Both people are responsible (It’s a sick relationship; it takes two to tango; it’s a sick family system).
The abuser is sick/crazy. The victim/survivor is sick/crazy.
Alcohol and/or drug abuse causes it. Co-dependency enables it.
Battered women are masochistic.
The battered woman syndrome affects only a small percentage of the population.
Battered women are crazy.
Middle class women do not get battered as frequently or as violently as do poorer women.
Minority group women are battered more frequently than Anglos.
Lesbians do not abuse their partners.
Religious beliefs will prevent battering.
Battered women are uneducated and have few job skills.
Batterers are unsuccessful and lack resources to cope with the world.
Drinking causes battered behavior.
Batterers have psychopathic personalities.
Police can protect the battered woman.
The batterer also beats his children.
The batterer is not a loving partner.
Once a batterer, always a batterer.
Once a battered woman, always a battered woman.
Long-standing battering relationships can change for the better.
Battered women deserve to be beaten.
Women abused in prostitution are not really battered women.
Battered women can always leave home.
Batterers will cease their violence “when we get married.”
Children need their father even if he is violent, or “I’m only staying for the sake of the children.”

Physical Abuse

Physical Abuse: Any forceful or violent physical behavior.

Slapping
Kicking
Shoving
Scratching
Burning
Choking
Pinching
Biting
Grabbing
Restraining
Punching
Pushing
Spanking
Spitting

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is any non-consenting sexual act or behavior. It includes your partner forcing sexual activity when:

You indicate “no” and your limits are not respected
You are sleeping
You are drunk or high and are unable to say “no”
You are afraid to say “no”
Insisting that you dress in a more sexual way than you wish to dress
Makes demeaning remarks about how you dress
Makes demeaning remarks about your body and/or body parts
Minimizes your feelings about sex
Berates you about your sexual history
Criticizes you sexually
Insists on touching you sexually when you do not want to be touched, either when the two of you are along or in the presences of others
Calls you a whore or a slut
Has affairs with other women after agreeing not to have sex with anyone but you
Physically attacking sexual parts of your body
Forcing you to perform any specific sexual act that you do not wish to do

Emotional Abuse

Emotional Abuse: Includes hurting another person’s feelings by saying cruel, unfair comments or by name calling, such as:

Cursing, swearing and/or screaming at you
Repeated harassment, interrogation or degradation
Attacks on your self-esteem and/or insults to your person (name-calling, put-downs, ridicule)
Threatening to “come out for you” at work or to your family
Controlling or limiting your behavior
Forcing you to stay awake or to get up from sleep
Interruption you while you are eating
Blaming you for everything that goes wrong
Forcing you to do degrading things
Using the difference in physical size to intimidate you
Criticizing your thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs and actions
Treating you like a servant or “underling” in matters of household chores and decisions
Spitting at or near you
Telling you that you are “sick” and need therapy
Using physical disabilities against you

Psychological Abuse

Psychological Abuse: Any threat to do bodily harm to a partner, a child, a family member, friends, pets, or one’s self (suicide). Psychological abuse involves not only hurt and anger, but also fear and degradation. The purpose of psychological abuse is to render you emotionally insecure about your own self-worth and to render you helpless and/or not able to escape further physical, sexual and/or psychological abuse.

Threatening to punch, hit, slap or kick
Threatening to use a weapon
Threatening to harm him/herself if you leave
Threatening to punish children to “get back” at you
Threatening to harm pets
Throwing objects in your direction
Vague threats such as: “You’re going to get it,” or “I’m really going to let you have it.”
Harming a pet to “get back” at you
Smashing and breaking things
Slamming doors
Throwing objects around the room
Punching walls
Hiding, stealing, or destroying your possessions
Sabotaging your car

Any emotional abuse which in the past was a prelude to physical or sexual abuse